Everything and Nothing, family, feelings, Lyme disease, Scattered Thoughts, Sister in law

What madness…

I might be a little paranoid and full of issues but this is what is happening to me right now…

I’m fuming…

My sister in law has been messing with me and my family again and my father in law has disappointed me greatly. This time I try to stay out of the picture so confrontation was avoided . As this wasn’t convenient for my SIL ,she decided to target my daughter.  To all of this my father in law made my daughter feel guilty for something she said whilst angry. My girl is only 9 .

I know it doesn’t help that I’m living with my in laws due to illness on their part (lyme disease).

I’m all to support my husband and his mother in this difficult journey. What I’m not cool with is seeing adult people damaging me and least of all my family (husband and 2 kids).

I know that part of Lyme is the inflammation in certain parts of the brain which makes you have extreme rage reactions. I can deal and understand and even allowed such outbursts as a symptom of an illness, but sadly the rejection  and malicious passive aggressive comments are not part of this disease. My husband is being  fantastic  trying to emotionally support our family and his parents.

Nevertheless this doesn’t stop my father in law from showing  his constant  discomfort  with our presence. ..

My husband and I chosen to look after them, we new that it wouldn’t be easy but we were trying to cope with the changes until once again his sister decided to alter the status quo.

A bit of background in my non existing relationship with my SIL.

Basically  she got married and went to leave abroad and since then she led me to think that she feels that I want to fill her space. I had in the past distant my self from her parents so she doesn’t had this sensation towards me. Sadly it was taken as lack of care or interest.

Then the children  came  along to both of our lives. (Please may I point out I do not obsess “all the time ” about her)only when she tries to put me  or someone I love down . Because  only her feelings are valid…

Well coming back to the bitterness that she feel against my kids,my husband and I  for living closer to her parents. And how  many things the grandparents are doing with my children  rather than hers. Ok grandparents  came and visit often but that’s all not many bonding or fantastic outings were done. I don’t care… my kids love their grandparents  just for being their grandparents  not for the things they give them or do with them. My SIL doesn’t see it that way.

When her daughters  are with my kids everything is fine till she pulls them away from spending time with them and ditch my kids at her first opportunity.

Of course my kids have to be there ready to play  if she thinks it suit her. In many occasions we had to cancel  play dates or postpone already made plans only to discover  that she decided to take only her children for tea without  inviting mine.All of this is done in front of the children.  If you  do it once ok. But when you break my kids hearts several times …you will not be in my good list.

It is so frustrating  because  yes I have a problem with her making me feel so bad just for being about. She is so resentful of me just because I’m me. She made a  choice of going somewhere else to live and not be here. I’m not saying that is as simple as that… I’m come from abroad too… and is hard as there is a lots of feelings of abandonment, guilt and blah blah and if you suffer from depression is even worse. We also have the ability of changing our decisions though so if you’re not happy with your life go ahead and do something about it.

I do not hope to have a relationship with her , she made it clear that my efforts are in vain, I’m just  want this stupidity to end. I have loads of other things and people to worry and love and this is hindering my ability to do so. Sorry for the typos


And here I am in this beautiful place…

This last twelve months  were not my best ones. Today though I am  in a beautiful place ( literally) I was here 4 years ago and I had the same  great fuzzy sensation in in my being.

I’m  here with my best people and it is lovely. For a minute or two  I can forget and forgive this year that was mostly quite  painful.

In between  willow trees,lakes and swans I feel full of me and love.